I love you Blair Not Nearly Enough
by ButlerBassandSalvatore
Summary: I haven't seen anything that's inspired me in a long time. Anything. Except for you.
1. Sweet Threats

I haven't really seen anything in a long time that's inspired me.

Anything.

Anything except for you.

Your big brown eyes beam at me as though I am their everything. I want to be.

Belle cries in your arms like an angry kitten, fisting tight little hands. She has your doe eyes of course- those perfect orbs- those chocolate irises that could get anything they want. So different from a dull, clear, Barbie blue.

The brown is beautiful- like a rich, liquid, mahogany puddle, torched gently by the sun.

Belle Bear cries and valiantly reaches out for me. I'm late for work. But the briefcase slips from my hands and I reach out for her. She's so tiny, and as soon as I catch her for her she stops crying at once.

Belle is pacified in my arms. She cocoons around me comfortably. She has your popping dimple too, but her hair is a softer brown, a smoother texture. It's mine. She rests that little head on my shoulder and latches on, determined not to let go.

Belle is beautiful and demanding just like you.

I look at you uncertainly. You smile.

"I'll send the papers in the evening," you say- and I can't really hear you over Belle's sweet babbles.

A rush at your feet takes your attention- it's a whirlwind. It's our Prince Henry. He's being mischievous as an imp as usual. His eyes are a slanted coffee brown like mine. He's me in miniature but I love Belle more because she's like you.

You love Henry more because he's me, only purer by far.

"Blair," I say as you lift Henry in your slender arms. "Blair- don't."

Henry is quiet now, listening. You stiffen as I plead with you. My voice is dangerously threatening almost- but surely you hear it. That plea. That desperate, undercurrent plea.

"Expect the papers by tonight." You say burlesquely. You smoothly take Belle from me in your other arm. You carry both our children like trophies- which they are. Beautiful, beloved trophies. Gems. Family jewels.

The Bass Crown Jewels.

"What papers?" I ask through grinded teeth. "Just say it then. Say it to my face."

You look at me. The only inspiring thing I knew were your eyes- so trusting, so innocent, so viscous sometimes like a tigress, pondering.

Then the gems came and I found inspiration in our miniatures. Yet nothing hooks me as you do. You know that don't you?

"Divorce papers." You say sweetly, smiling. On cue, Belle starts crying.

She doesn't understand of course but she sees the dark hatred on my face.

Without a word you walk away to your end of the penthouse, taking my crying baby and quiet son with you.

I loved you so dearly that it cost me this dearly.


	2. Don't Tempt Me, I'll Steal You Away

**Ch. 3 : Bittersweet Remembrance**

 _She doesn't really understand me._

That's what I think as I see the legal documents, in the crisp folder, with the authoritative stamp on them.

You don't really understand that you'll never get rid of me.

It's not just about the kids although of course, you're crazy if you think I'm letting them go. Henry will run Bass industries one day, Belle will help. She is, after all, my princess and will help run my empire for me when I'm too old to do it. Henry will make sure no one ever gets the best of her- - and even if she's ever half of you- Belle won't need anyone's help. Not even her big brother's.  
My children will carry on our legacy- but that is not what this is about. This is about you and me and everything it cost to get us here.

Do you remember? Yourself in that Grecian wedding dress? That Greek goddess headdress tucked over your dark curls? Do you remember me, dashing down the Met steps to claim you, my bride? Do you remember our kiss? _That promise of forever sealed by a kiss._  
The police were coming to get me. It was a rush of a wedding, a blur but later you told me it was perfect.

I wore white, to match you like always. We've always matched, even when we were just scheming friends. You used to shop for me, remember? _Don't you remember Blair?_

I search your expressionless doe eyes and see that you do. You do remember. You remember so much yet chose to talk about so little. Why must you run from me Blair? Don't you know _I'll always get you in the end?_

You made my daughter cry. _Our_ daughter cry. When Belle cries it breaks my heart neatly in two. I know you'll say this is my fault, that I'm to blame for this but really, it's all yours. How can you not know, Blair that I'd die trying to win you over?

Even after all these years. This much you must know.

Belle cries herself to sleep. Henry mumbles that he wants me back. Our children are confused; they don't understand why mommy is running away. I never took you for a _coward_ Blair. Is this really, what we've come down to?

 _It's just a game. I hate to lose. You're free to go._

Don't do this to me.

 _This is what we like. The game._

Don't punish me like this.

I'm at your doorstep, unshaven and wild eyed, I throw those filthy documents at the floor and push past you.

"Chuck!" You gasp, stunned as I make my way to the crib.

Belle is learning to stand now. She holds the edges of the crib with two tiny fists. Her pink cheeks dimple into a fresh smile as she sees me.

"Dada!" she gurgles. You forgot Blair, that this was her first word.

I rush to pick up my baby, she's mine, and you were mine too Blair, in case you forgot that. Are, because I'm never signing those papers.

"Chuck, this isn't the time to-"

"Don't tell me when is the right time for me to meet my daughter," I snarl at you, barely above a hiss. I soothingly rub Belle's back. She happily hides into my arms.

"Don't you understand? Don't you understand I can't live without you three? _Why_ _don't you understand?"_

Your eyes soften. They're so brown. Like liquor wrapped into chocolates. Like whiskey running across marble. They're my whole world and when they melt for me, my heart stops. Melt for me Blair.

But then I realise what I see in your eyes. It's pity.

"Learn," you advice sagely. "Learn to live without me."

And you walk away, leaving me alone with our beautiful baby and a bitterly broken heart, both things which we made together.


	3. Bittersweet Remembrance

_**Dear Readers,**_

 _ **The story appears to have accidently gotten deleted while uploading. So this is a re-upload.**_

 _ **I appreciate your reviews and encouragement. I've started writing again, after a long break and this is all I need right now.**_

 _ **And I've missed Chair.**_

 _ **Enjoy.**_

 _ **Ch.3**_

 _ **Let me haunt you tonight**_

 _Flashback_

It's Christmas Eve. The day we unravel one of the several prettily wrapped presents. The day snow flutters over an already ploughed New York. Red and white stripped candy canes snap between my fingers. Holly and mistletoe festoon over us deviously.

We binge on Éclairs. We giggle next to the fire place. We're wrapped in the same snug blanket, you and I. We're toasting marshmallows. You squeal as I try to feed you a Santa-shaped-cookie. I smile.

Henry is two and he's as excited as a bear cub on his first hunt.

"Presents!" he babbles, ripping apart golden and red paper.

But it's my smile you're looking at and I know why. I stopped smiling like that after Bart died, isn't that what you're thinking? Aren't you, Blair?

 _Well, you are my toughest critic_

 _You really think I won't go up there._

 _I_ know _you won't._

 _Who's that girl?_

 _I have no idea._

 _Wow, I haven't gotten a real laugh out of you in a long time_

Sixteen year old Chuck's eyes glinted at you mischievously over a Cheshire cat grin. He was seedy, he was shameless and you loved him for it. We were best friends, you remember don't you?

Partners in crime.

But then Bart died and I died. Bart fake died but I really died. My eyes deadened into whirlpools of nothingness and loneliness, you couldn't find me anymore. You couldn't see me smile.

 _I saw his eyes…and I couldn't see him anymore._

Thanks for bringing me back Blair. Tonight, I smile at you like sixteen year old Chuck Bass did. You are thrilled to see the Cheshire cat again. You throw a cranberry at me. You giggle as I tug you closer. You sigh as I kiss your neck.

The lights of the tree liquefy into molten gold as your eyes flutter shut.

"Chuck, you smell like eggnog," you murmur. You're so beautiful Blair. You're so beautiful tangled with me in these blankets like a charm.

I fist chocolate curls in my hand, as I kiss you.

Henry's complaining whine brings us both back to earth and we laugh.

He's unwrapping a train set. In his blue pajama's with those big cognac brown eyes- my eyes- he stares at us. He topples the train set over with his foot.

"Uh oh," he says, looking worried.

You can't help but laugh gently. With a blissful, enchanted, tender look on your face you untangle yourself from me. You crawl up to where your baby is. You take him in your arms. You both sit together and unwrap presents as I watch, completely at peace. I could watch you and Henry forever.

 _I could but…._

My phone buzzes distracting me.

It's an unknown number, an untraceable number. This distracts me. Only specific contacts have this particular number.

 _Who could it be?_

Still smiling distractedly at you two, I flicker open the message. My smile freezes on my face.

 _Chuck…_ says that message which changed everything.

 _Chuck I'm in the city. We need to meet. Call me, its urgent. You'll understand why._

The message itself is suspicious enough but the last word strikes me.

 _You'll understand why. – Eva._

"Chuck?"

It's you, Blair and you look confused. Henry is running his train all over you but you're looking at me.

"Is everything okay?" you ask.

I could tell you. But it's Christmas. I don't want to ruin this, our bubble. Our golden snow globe, cozy and private. I won't let her ruin this.

So I smile. It's not the same. But I try.

"Everything is perfect," I declare and I jump to the floor to play with Henry and his train set.

 _It must be nothing,_ I think. _What it could it be? Is she in trouble?_

Eva is wrong. I don't understand. But I'm compelled to find out.

She's the only woman I ever even tried to have a real relationship with other than you, Blair.

Maybe that's why I need to know.

It must be nothing.

 _How very wrong I was._


	4. Tell me a Secret

_**Dear Readers,**_

 _ **Thank you for your continued support. Never fear, this is a Chuck and Blair story. There might be some bumps and bruises along the way but keep faith!**_

 _ **Eva's POV**_

 _ **Flashback, Christmas**_

 _He looks exactly the way I remember him, soft russet locks over a wide expanse of a forehead, a curving half smile that's not a smile, it's a grimace almost. He looks angry._

 _The only thing that has changed are his eyes. They used to be such a soft brown when he looked at me. Now they are anthracite. Dark, hard, unrelenting._

 _Barely gripped patience controls Chuck Bass. The lapels of his black overcoat ripple in the wind. He moves towards me, fighting the wind, hiding beneath a bowler black hat._

 _He really does not want to be seen with me._

 _He's so handsome it makes me want to weep. I remember him even now, in his plain white shirt and black vest, scrubbing the floor of a diner to make amends._

" _I'm Chuck Bass," he told me when he got out of that limo. But he'll always be Henry to me._

" _I heard you named your son Henry," I tell him, smiling softly._

" _Eva," he says, his darkened eyes meeting my beseeching clear, blue ones. "It's Christmas. What's the dilemma?"_

 _I laugh at how desperately he wants this over with._

" _He's lovely, just like you. He looks like you," I can't help but say._

 _Chuck doesn't blink. "More like Blair, or so I'm told," he says gruffly._

 _Ah, Blair. The love of his life. The bone of contemplation between us. Even when Chuck was my Henry he was never truly mine. And now even Henry is Blairs'. Have I no claim on my Chuck Bass?_

 _His irritated face tells me, I do not._

" _And she," I continue, swallowing softly. "She too, looks just like you. She's a doll. A beauty."_

 _Chuck looks even more irritated now. "Belle? Belle looks just like Blair. Not like me. Her hair has started to curl. She's not just a beauty, she's a jewel. But enough about my children. What is that matter, Eva?"_

 _I look up at his hard face._

" _She," I say, fighting not to cry. "She does look like you. Just like you."_

 _Chuck is about to say something but then he freezes. He stares into the icy pit of my eyes like a scientist stares at his discovery in both awe and horror._

 _Einstein's atom bomb was after all a revelation, a triumph and yet enough to take down the world._

 _Who wants to face a discovery like that anyway?_


End file.
